Growing Pains

Growing can be painful, confusing and even lonely.

If we’ve got big dreams, goals and callings, we know we must saddle up and commit ourselves to the process; no matter how uncomfortable it can get. Having goals in life requires that we dig deep and chase excellence by becoming who we were made to be. It takes a lot of trial and error, learning and failing and pushing through what seems to be our limits. But when we stick it out through each uncomfortable stage, we’ll find every time that we gain our stride, find our niche and a fresh, new confidence in hearing the Lord. It becomes not work, but a labor of love! A life’s passion! And it becomes clear that all the sweat, tears, and hard work  is well worth it. You’ll find that as you partner with God, surprises line the trails as He takes you places you never dreamed you could go! He’ll equip you to far exceed your wildest expectations and lead you to grow exponentially in every way possible! This applies to all kinds of change; professional or personal. It really is a huge blessing that we’re able to go and do literally anything with Him. It’s just part of being His kid!

But as we all know, success isn’t easy. There’s many things that can trip us up and try to hold us back, like the resilience needed to make the journey just to name one. But one of the biggest hurdles most of us face is how to chase after our dreams and fully blossom into our true selves while dealing with all the people around us. I believe if we have the correct tools and mindset to navigate relationships while were pursuing our callings or experiencing growth, we can eliminate a lot of unnecessary stress, heartache and roadblocks! we can confidently move forward and be prepared for anything that lies ahead.

 

The Reality

I’ve had many relationships in my life fall apart simply because I decided I wanted more. Simply because I grew. Unfortunately, family isn’t exempt here. If you’re in the business of being the best version of yourself, you will find that many people only love the idea of you, not you fully. Because if they did, they’d be proud of your growth, your success and celebrate your triumphs. They would love YOU and not a level of you they knew at one time.

We can’t be afraid to grow just because we might lose people or outgrow our surroundings. Sometimes what lies on the other side of change is unknown and you don’t know if you’ll be welcomed or left totally alone. I’ve experienced both. What may be painful at first, usually is a blessing in disguise.  The loneliest times in my life were the times I wasn’t really alone at all. God was right there with me and those are the times that I learned the most and grew the most. It equipped me to move forward confidently and know who I truly was. It wasn’t based on public appeal or approval. Just God’s approval. And mine. That meant the world and gave me what I needed to trail blaze and grow without worrying what people thought. So don’t get too worried about being alone. Trust me, you’ll deeply value that time if you let the Lord use it.

We don’t want to give up everything just to be well liked and make sure we don’t ruffle any feathers! The people that are meant to be by your side are the ones who love YOU. Just for you. Not for how you make them feel, not for what you did for them, not for where you’re at; but just because they value you as the human you are at your core. The people that will come with you are the ones who are growing too, the ones who aren’t threatened by your ‘upgrades’. The ones who love you genuinely and are actually excited about whats happening for you and understand your hearts cry! You don’t want to fall in the trap of labeling yourself by other people’s standards. If you do this, you’ll fall short of all God has called you to do and fall short of your potential. You’ll never be happy and really those people you are trying to please won’t be either. What people expect out of you will always be changing because they’re trying to find something in you they can’t find in themselves. People will always have something to say regardless of what you do, so decide now to be true to yourself and do all it takes to boldly chase your destiny!

 

Friends or Haters?

Unfortunately, some people will just fall away and become haters because you ‘made it’. Because you became more. Because you surpassed where they were at or where they were comfortable with you being and now feel threatened and judged (without any real judgement happening). These people will find any way to discredit your growth, destiny and success and paint you in a bad light all so that they don’t need to be accountable in their life, or just out of plain jealousy. They want what you have but lack what it takes to make it happen. Some people will guilt you for growing! Saying things like, “You’ve changed!” “You’re not the person I used to know!” Don’t be fooled! Growth is not a bad thing! You grow girl! (or boy lol) Just remember, this is your journey and you alone get to decide what it looks like. The people that God has called you to influence WILL get it. You’re not for everybody and that’s OK. Don’t try to force people to stay. It will only hurt you in the end.

On the contrary, we can’t forget to check ourselves all along the way and make sure that our growth is positive, biblical, our hearts are aligned with God’s and we’re on the right path with Him. Growing in your calling also means growing in how you carry it, how you affect people with it (positively or negatively) and being able to deal with all sorts of people maturely. Pray into this deeply at all times and check your motives constantly to make sure your not bull dozing over people in the name of “growth and change”.

You’ll be able to clearly see if people in your life are genuine and in it for the long haul or if they’ll only hold on until they’re ‘uncomfortable’. The fruit doesn’t lie. Are they celebrating with you or are they dream killers? Are they more interested in your successes or your failures? Are they encouraging you for where you’re going or trying to keep you where you’re at? Someone who truly LOVES you will NOT use their influence in your life to make you believe the lie that you cannot go beyond where you’re at or that you shouldn’t. You do not want to be in close quarters with these type of people. It doesn’t mean we discard the ones who aren’t on the same path as us. It doesn’t mean we push away the ones that are different or the ones who don’t have a growth mindset. We love them regardless. We support them regardless. But they should not be a part of our inner circle. We don’t want to surround ourselves with yes men, but we do want people who genuinely love us, care about us, encourage our wildest dreams and support us without any agenda. Someone who really loves you will still support you even if it’s not ‘their thing’ or they don’t ‘get it’. Real relationships are places where both people, no matter how different are celebrated and get to be themselves.

 

New Territory

You’ll also deal with lots of new people as you grow and transition into new places. Some will be mature – welcoming, warm and loving. And some will be threatened/egotistical/prideful- jealous, stuck up, unrelational and think they invented sliced bread. You will come across people who will acknowledge you, celebrate you and encourage you, and ones who will hate on you, try to push you down, see you as inexperienced and not want to share the ‘spotlight’. Everyone’s experience is different, but I believe when we’re working on personal growth, pioneering or setting out to do big things, the enemy always sends heavy attacks. They come in many forms, but a lot of times it will be through people. And at first it can be overwhelming how much opposition you face and feel like you’re pushing against the world. I’ve been there. But if we dig deep into what God is showing us and what He says about us, we will have the confidence and longevity to make it through these growing pains and get to where we’re supposed to be and with whom we’re supposed to share it with.

God has a specific set of people out there you’re meant to do life with. Who will love you, support you, ‘get’ what you’re doing and read your heart like a book. Whether we’ve already met part of our tribe early on and they make the transition with us, or we find them along the way, these people are instrumental in what we will do and how we will do it. Yes, it can be painful to be rejected, misunderstood and abandoned, but don’t let it stop you. You are meant to do big things! Don’t wait for people to give you permission to do what God has already called you to do. You always have God. He takes all hardships and uses them for our good! You WILL find your true people if you trust the process and take each step boldly! They are out there! Trust that God is aligning everything in it’s perfect time.

 

If you’re serious about growth and approaching your calling with excellence and purpose, I highly recommend these excellent resources!  To be encouraged in your calling and gain some deep wisdom on how to deal with all of the things that come with it, check out the book Destined To Win by Kris Vallotton. To learn more about how to deal with difficult relationships, setting boundaries and priorities or how to have better communication skills; check out the book Keep Your Love On by Danny Silk. I feel both of these books carry some of the essentials of being a great leader and growing in a healthy way! These are two of my top recommended books for any leader or person who wants to be their best. There are also many more resources right here on my site that can equip you and encourage you further in your calling! 🙂

I pray that this encourages you for where you’re going and reminds you that anywhere worth going isn’t easy, but with God at your side all things are possible! You’ve got this! Boldly and proudly be yourself and set out to see what you can really accomplish when you are free from the chains of people’s opinions! It’s your time to GROW!

 

I believe in you! ❤

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Randina Sheldon is a passionate writer/teacher/life coach set out to make a huge impact revealing the gospel, leaving behind a trail of love, healing, wholeness and knowledge!

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